Fear - Chapter 25 - FINALE

Hi..

I think I owe everyone a huge apology?
I'm sorry. Asfa Asfa Asfa..
I know I owed you the finale a long time ago..
I just.. don't have it in me to write, I don't like it to be honest. I like it bs not when I HAVE to do it, you know?

:/
I'm sorry.

--
Previously:

I walked away as fast as possible, only stopping to say: Oh, and congratulations. You guys make a cute couple! 

--

That's how my story ended to be honest. 

She never forgave Abdulaziz, never got back together with Nasser, never met up with Abdullah again.. Nothing. 

She went back to boarding school when school began again, and she graduated, and she went to university abroad.

Her life went on.. Like everybody else's lives. 

It all just goes on..

No matter what goes wrong.. and how life treats you.. It goes on. Life won't stop for you, or them, or anyone. You either stop and watch it go on while you sit in your seat, or you walk with it to the finish line. 

I hope you guys enjoyed reading my blog. I'm sorry for all the times I left you all hanging. I hope everyone has an AMAZING summer. I love you guys! :D

Fear - Chapter 24

Next chapter will be the finale!

--

I spent a few days with my dad. Well.. In my room, since he was still being very formal with me. Only talking to me when absolutely needed.

After the few days, I finally decided it was time to go ask my father if i were granted the permission to leave and see my friends.

And to my surprise, he said yes.

So I grabbed my wallet and called on the driver from his room to take me, and to the place where I solemnly knew so well - I directed him to Abdulaziz's house.

I jumped out of the car and ran down, only to greeted at the door by Nasser.

I frowned, and asked him where Abdulaziz was after some small talk.

Except before I could finish my sentence, Abdulaziz was walking out of the door, holding a girls hand walking out.

Not just any girl, my cousin. Darine was holding his hand and laughing, making pouty faces at him.

They were greeted with my shocked face. But I caught grip of my emotions as fast as possible and did what I learned to do so well in my months in the academy, I simply smiled, and tried my luck with formalities.

Lama: Hey Darine, Abdulaziz! It's great seeing you guys!

Abdulaziz spoke first: Lama.. when did you get back?

Then he looked at the door and invited me in, letting go of Darine's hand abruptly.

Darine: Abdulaziz, we're going out aren't we?

She tried whispering to Aziz while tugging on his arm, but I could see that he was dumbfounded, and completely stunned at my presence that he didn't even hear her.

And so I replied.

Lama: It's fine, I'm not staying, I was just hear to say hello, I'm leaving anyways, have a great time guys.

I walked away as fast as possible, only stopping to say: Oh, and congratulations. You guys make a cute couple! 

Fear - Chapter 23

I understand I haven't posted for a while, but this story will be ending very soon due to my lack of motivation to write. I don't enjoy it, and so I won't purse it. I'm sorry guys.
I hope there's someone still reading though :p

--

After a long ride to the school, we arrived to a luxurious building.

Except, every time I glanced at a girl, she didn't look so friendly. And suddenly, I felt surrounded by venomous snakes. It was time to put my guard up.

Very, very high.

I entered the school and was enrolled with a girl who look a little less snobbier than the other, but regardless still looked snobby. Her name was Bushra. I didn't even like her name, I thought!

Regardless of her snobby outlook, she seemed to try and make small talk with me. Asking me where I lived, where I came from, and why my parents had sent me here. I did a good job in lying about the reason my parents sent me, saying that education wasn't great in Qatar. Although it was a constantly developing country that really payed attention to their education, I couldn't afford to tell the truth.

After I cut the conversation short, not keen on making any friends with snobs. I packed my stuff up then slept on the hotel-like bed. It wasn't too comfortable though, because I was mentally clouded. Thinking of so many different things: my mom, abdulaziz, my dad.. everything in general. I even thought a little about abdullah.

I kind of smiled at the thought of that night in the club, it felt so good knowing that I didn't have any worries that day, in fact any day I decided to leave my usual personality and make the best of life and fun.

--

The next thing I knew, a week had already passed. Finding my way around the school was kind of hard considering it was really large. I still found my way after a day or two though. As for the friends, a lot of girls were sucking up to me. Wanting to get my trust, I could see their evil looks, wanting to undress my disguise. They all saw through me, or maybe.. my insecurities were getting to me.

--

A month passed.

Two.

Three.

Seven.

--

Next thing I knew, I was back in Qatar. Having suffered 7 months in that school really scared me, although it did me well in keeping me focused in studies. I didn't give my attention to a single girl, unless paired with her for a project - by force. I usually tried to get into groups on my own, and kept away from everyone. Even the teachers. I just didn't feel the need to make friends in a place I wouldn't be staying too long.

Yes, I was planning to escape.

And now, I have my chance.

I'm in Qatar. And I can leave, I thought.

Except I was greeted by my mother..

--

It wasn't a normal greeting no. No no no. She was being sweet! At the airport.

--

Then we got home, and I ran up to my room to find it packed with candy.

But then I looked at the bed.. to find a little girl sitting down. She looked much younger than me, and just as snobby as the girls back in the academy.

I frowned then asked who she was.

She groaned, and asked me who I was. The audacity on this little girl..

I turned around, ignoring her, and left to ask my mom who she was. To find my father and another strange man next to my mother. My father gave me a slight nod, showing his disapproval and disappointment still. The man though, turned around and smiled widely at me.

The man: Ta3ali 3ami.. 7amdella 3al salama 7abeebty. Shu, a'3radik ma3aki? Hala2 baba bdo ya5dk ma3a 3l bait!

He extended his hand and we shook it.

I smiled back, and said: Ah 3ami el7amdella, although ana fakart 7anam hon. Um 3ami mmkn as2al, ana ba3rafak?

He laughed.

And then told me some very shocking news, to me.

--

My mother had gotten married!

In the 7 damn months that I left? She got married!

Oh oh oh and he told me that girl in my room was his daughter from his ex-wife, who passed away.

I was even more surprised though when I came to ask myself how he had accepted such an uptight character of a wife like my mother.

Except then I realized.. outside the house, my mother was considered a goddess of attraction. She was also VERY adored by the men, due to her love for them.

That's where I clicked it, his burberry shirt, and his golden cufflinks - He was rich. And she devoured him for it.

Great..

--

I glanced upwards and nodded at my father, showing my want to move out of here - and quickly.

Fear - Chapter 22

When I made my way outside the airport, I was waited for by a girl that looked about a year or two older than me with my name stuck on a card held above her head. She was really white, brown hair that was cut as short as a mans but in no efficient way, and she was wearing an ugly grey dress that looked like what could be the school's uniform as it had a logo on the top right corner or it's collar. 

My smile immediately disappeared as I walked to her while she eyed my hips that swayed along with my confident walk. 

This.. Was going to be interesting I thought, and a mischievous grin grew wide on my face. 

--

As I walked closer to her, I couldn't help but notice the huge.. and I mean enormous mole next to her left eyebrow. I didn't think a mole was that bad, it was just the few hairs sticking out of it that had me thinking of vomit. 

As I finally approached her, she eyed me once again. I extended my hand, and she took it with hesitation.

Lama: Hi! 

Girl: Umm hi.. 

Lama: Are you from the boarding school?

Girl: Yeah

I scratched my head then looked down at my luggage.. They were pretty heavy.

Lama: Umm.. Can you show me how we're heading there? The bag is a bit heavy.

She looked down at my bag, then back up to me again and just stared.

Then? I was creeped out!

This girl was just staring at me, like I'm a picture, she was staring! 

I put on an awkward smile and waved my hands in front of her eyes then chuckled.

Lama: Umm hellooo! Anybody in there?

I tried to giggle a little and cut the awkwardness.. But she was still staring!

It took her about 10 seconds to finally zap out of her stares and look back up into my eyes, ready to say something.

Girl: Sure, um let's go then?

She asked hesitantly, as if she was asking me! Well I don't know where we're going, I thought. 

She then started to walk really slowly, still hesitating into the parking. I wasn't sure where we were heading, and what I was expecting so I just followed along until she stopped at a car.

And it wasn't just any car.. 

--

It was a Bentley.

Yes everybody, you read right.

It was a Bentley.

A beautiful, and might I repeat, a beautiful pearly white Bentley.

Fear - Chapter 21

Here I was thinking I'd dread leaving, but all I could think about while walking to the check-in was a fresh start. I knew I'd miss Abdulaziz, and only Abdulaziz but I was looking forward to leaving, getting my head straight.

After all, a 15 year old was never this missed up.  

--

After buying all the candy possible from Duty Free, I was now in the plane. *In case anybody is wondering how she's funding herself, she's got a credit card. 
I knew the plane ride to Bahrain was only 15 minutes away, and it releived me a little knowing that at least I was getting a new start, but not so far away from home.. If I could call it that that is. 

I plugged my iPod in and took out some candy, trying to avoid hitting the old woman next to me because of her loud calls to her son that was across the airplane. I closed my eyes, and before I knew it the plane was in the air and there was only a few minutes until landing. So I took out my iPod and began to look through the music to waste time.. The lady next to me finally spoke to me after she eyed my iPod suspiciously.

Lady: Is that your phone?

I knew she spoke arabic cause when she was yelling to her son, it was in a Jordanian arabic accent, but she spoke to me in a perfect British accent. Hmm I thought, that's interesting. I giggled a little, I was use to getting this question from people to be honest.

Lama: No, it's my ipod but it's the new nano so it's really small.

She looked at me, and I had a proud smile in me because my American accent slipped out of me fast and hard. 

And then.. she just turned her face. I laughed a little, it was stupid but I was bored. 

*Sound of airplane hitting the ground hehe*. The next thing I knew we had landed and the pilot was coming to a stop. 

After about 10 minutes, the door finally opened and I was welcome to Bahrain with the hot breeze. Oh yes, I had forgotten it's not so different to the weather in Qatar. I smiled, and made my way through the buses and airport in no time with a genuine smile and confident walk.

When I made my way outside the airport, I was waited for by a girl that looked about a year or two older than me with my name stuck on a card held above her head. She was really white, brown hair that was cut as short as a mans but in no efficient way, and she was wearing an ugly grey dress that looked like what could be the school's uniform as it had a logo on the top right corner or it's collar. 

My smile immediately disappeared as I walked to her while she eyed my hips that swayed along with my confident walk. 

This.. Was going to be interesting I thought, and a mischievous grin grew wide on my face. 

Fear - Chapter 20

I tried to smile, thinking about how amazing he is but I couldn't.. I couldn't stay here. I had to take the consequences for what I've done. 

--

Lama: Abdulaziz I can't.. I'm sorry..

His eyes filled with an emotion that I couldn't read, I didn't know if he was confused, sad, hurt, mad? 

But then I got it: Fear. 

Lama: I'm not going anywhere..

He creased his eyebrows, waiting for me to finish.

Lama: Ya3ni stop worrying that I'll forget you.. I love you and I won't forget you.. Besides I'm pretty sure the boarding school is only for girls anyways.

I stopped and winked at him.

Lama: If you'll wait for me, then i'll be back in no time azooz, w when I get back, we can be together fully, but for now azooz, we just have to hold it together for the sake of each other, okay?

I pouted at him, I couldn't resist treating him like my baby, even though he was older!

He slightly smiled at me, I guess he was confused and tongue tied, so I just grabbed the keys I saw on the table and held his hand then led him outside, and then we were on the way to the airport, in a completely silent car ride.

--

After what was about 15-20 minutes, we arrived there and like my father said, my driver was there with my bag. I didn't need to look inside because I'm sure the maids knew everything I would ever need and plus, the bag looked pretty filled up. The only thing I asked of him though was for my laptop, and he pointed at the bag shaking his head, expecting me to understand that it's inside there so I just smiled at him. 

And then the moment I was dreading came to place, and I had to turn around to see a funny looking Abdulaziz with his legs crossed and his arms on his chest also crossed.

I smiled a childish smile and went up to him, he already opened his arms out for me and there I was embracing him like today was our last day, hoping it wasn't. When he finally tried to let go, he bent down a little and kissed my forehead then looked down at me while holding me from my shoulders.

Abdulaziz: I'll miss you so much, and I'll wait for you like you would like to wait for me. I'll be right in this same place when you get back, and you take care of yourself okay? I love you.

Just like that, I hugged him again. 

After a few minutes, I was off with my bag and walking to the check-in. I kept glancing back to see Abdulaziz who was still staring at me, probably taking in that I was leaving.

Here I was thinking I'd dread leaving, but all I could think about while walking to the check-in was a fresh start. I knew I'd miss Abdulaziz, and only Abdulaziz but I was looking forward to leaving, getting my head straight.

After all, a 15 year old was never this missed up. 

Fear - Chapter 19

I didn't know where I was going except for Abdulaziz driving somewhere while I sat there silently, unable to utter a word. 

--

I was laid in a bed, next to a sleeping Abdulaziz while asking God if he could just open the ground beneath this bed, and swallow me in whole. 

After silently weeping, I tried to pull myself together and closed my eyes, attempting to sleep while snuggling into the heavy and cozy blanket. I wrapped my arm around Abdulaziz and felt safe within the heat that left his body. 

I woke up again at Abdulaziz softly nudging me. I slightly opened my eyes and just smiled at waking up to his face. He rubbed my shoulder and told me that breakfast was ready after saying "Good morning beautiful". I rose from the red and headed towards the toilet, I did my business and off I went downstairs after quickly grabbing my phone off the night table. 

As I walked downstairs, my phone began to vibrate in my hands. I turned it around to find that my father was calling me, I sighed and then answered while my hand trembled. 

Lama: A-Alo?

Baba: 2 hours and your plane leaves to a boarding school Bahrain. Your ticket will be in the airport with your driver who's got all your bags. 

Just like that.. He hung up! 

--

I went downstairs, grabbed a bananna and then made my way to the front door. I was really mad, and I just completely wasn't thinking about Abdulaziz. Although I cursed myself under my breath when I heard the bathroom door close to the kitchen open, and I heard Abdulaziz calling after me.

I slowly turned around on my ankle, and looked at him while trying to pull a tight smile. Although as soon as we spent about 30 seconds looking at each other, while he tried to analyze me confusingly. All I knew how to do was run up to him and hug him, I couldn't bare the thought of knowing that I wouldn't see him for a very long. After he embraced me tightly, he finally asked me what's wrong. 

Lama: Aziz ana.. my dad just called.. and umm.. my plane is in 2 hours.. 

I stopped.

Lama: can you drive me to the airport? I wanna spend as much time as possible with you.. 

Abdulaziz held my wrists really tightly, I saw his face turn red.

Abdulaziz: La you're not leaving.. I don't care, you can stay here. 

I tried to smile, thinking about how amazing he is but I couldn't.. I couldn't stay here. I had to take the consequences for what I've done. 

Fear - Chapter 18

As I walked away being lead by Nasser, I slipped my hand to touch Abdulaziz's, just reassuring him one more time. I didn't know if he understood what I was trying to show, but I sure as hell was going to let him know. I was going to let him know he's the one. 

--

I began to take a few fast steps ahead of Nasser, it was my way of figuring out what to say. I looked back to see him just standing in his place and staring at me while digging his fingers into his dark jeans pockets. I caught a glimpse of Abdulaziz behind him; his eyes filled with sorrow and misunderstanding.

It was then that my nerves stopped holding me short of what I had to say. I just let it out because of that man standing right behind Nasser... That man that was Abdulaziz.

Lama: Nasser ana asfa lakn I don't want to be with you. I forgive you because I'm a forgiving person, but I'm in love with your brother. 

Just as I said those words, his eyes filled with rage. He turned around and looked at his brother with eyes full of hate and despair. I could almost imagine the red horns sticking out of his head, and the steam storm out of his ears. But no, what I really saw was his face turn into a very dark shade of red, along with the strains in the eyes that also turned dark red, and I saw the sweat drops making their way down his forehead. 

For a minute, I thought he'd go and attack his brother, but no. He left me with some confusing words and he stormed out of the hospital. But his words.. They kept running through my head, and I knew they scared me because I felt tingles rush at the tip of my fingers, and I felt that slight burn fly through my heart.

I looked back and there was no sign whatsoever of Nasser, he was gone.

But his words weren't. 

"This isn't over." 

The words kept repeating in my head as I twisted my heels around to look at a confused Abdulaziz with one hand in his light jeans, and another running through his hair while huffing; obviously irritated and tired. 

I walked up to him very slowly, and stood in front of me trying to collect my words. 

It was then that I saw my father a few steps away from turning a corner into the sitting room I was sitting in. I panicked at the sight of my father, he'd misunderstand this! 

I tried to scurry away while pushing Abdulaziz out of sight by pushing him down another corridor. He stood there confused until he also took a glimpse to find my father and then he stood still; casually looking the other way.

My father made his way up to me, his eyes still filled with disgust as everything dawn upon me once again. Oh yes, I was the disappointment of a daughter I thought as he opened his mouth to speak.

My Father: Your mother woke up. We'll be taking her back to her house to rest and your sisters will take care of her. My wife and I will be heading back home to rest, as for you.. Find your own way back to some type of shelter because neither of us will house a monster and I'll be in contact with you in a few days about where I plan to send you. 

I didn't really concentrate on his last few words as the word "monster" kept repeating over and over again in my head. The next thing I knew, my waist was being twisted to my left side to find Abdulaziz looking at me with sadness in his eyes, with worry in his eyes. I quickly took a look back to see where my father was and I found him already in the room with the rest of the family. 

--

I didn't know where I was going except for Abdulaziz driving somewhere while I sat there silently, unable to utter a word. 

7amad & Shaikha

As you all probably know, with every blog comes the pleasure of meeting some special people.

I've befriended luck as I met two of the people that are now most important to me in my life. I've met 7amad & Shaikha.

I was going to write the story about them, but I think that's a story that one of them should tell later on. I'm just going to ahead and tell you about them since 7amad is nagging on me to post about him!

I'll start with Shaikha since I met her first. Oh and heads up, they're married!

Shaikha is one of the most lovable human beings I have ever met! I began my friendship with this young lady with great welcome, and great support from her for this specific blog! Of course, people's actions always somehow tell a little about them and the first thing I noticed about her was her kindness. Being completely honest, I usually love a good old chase and I get bored of people quickly and although I thought it'd be easy to get Shaikha and I'd get bored; I've come to realize that she is one person that my body refuses to get bored of no matter how long we talk. I've never felt so comfortable around someone in my whole entire life, but I have no limits when I speak to this girl. She is someone I speak to from early morning until late night. She knows everything about me even though i've only known her for 3 months! She's the most caring girl I've ever met. Have you ever met someone who put up with constant ranting from you? Probably not, but I have! If someone just bumps into me in a hallway, I get mad and rant to her yet she's supporting and loving and caring no matter what. Is it crazy to say that in a period of 3 months, I have made more memories with this girl than I can remember with my own siblings at home? I love how we can talk about anything, and make fun of losers who annoy us and it's just easy to talk. She's the type of person that I don't need to think twice about telling something to; I just do it cause she's like my second half! I just automatically assume that she'll know what I mean. I know she'll be reading this because I'm going to force her to then complain to her about how 7amad annoyed me until I wrote this post about him but tell her I love her so I added her in too. Anyways though, while you read this Shaikha, I'd love for you to know for the millionth time that you're a beautiful young lady, who's the most special girl on this whole wide planet; possibly in the whole universe (You know I believe in aliens Hahaha). I want you to always smile cause frankly you don't look as good when you frown; it's the most horrible thing you can do. I also want you to know that I'll always be here for you, and that I enjoy the fact that I've come to use your childish but so affective insults. Hahah. I love you shu5z.

7amad, ARE YOU HAPPY NOW? 7amad ladies and gentlemen, is the most annoying creature in this whole world and he's not me or Shaikha's friend.





























I'm kidding.
He's a gentlemen. A man. And frankly in 3arabness, a RJAL. Although he fails to compliment me on my awesomeness, I know that deep down he knows just how awesome I am. I had thought it was almost impossible to get so close to anyone except for Shaikha until she introduced me to her husband, who I am now happy to call my brother. 7amad is one of those guys that is overly protective to an extent that makes you want to hit him, yet I can't because well.. He's a lot bigger than me and Shaikha put together! Anyways though, what's important is that 7amad has been nothing but a great friend. He doesn't really say how much he cares, but he shows you how much he does. Haven't you all heard about how actions speak louder than words? Well 7amad applies this very well. I'm so glad to have met him, and I take complete honor in being able to withhold such a friendship.

7amad this is so cheesy and I'm going to kill you for making me write this!

Okay so basically, I'm one of the tallest people in my grade at school and I'm considered taller than average but 7amad over here refuses to acknowledge this, so he calls me a nitfa all the time. Ok anyways it's midnight and I'm too tired to write more for you 7amad. But since you'll be reading this in a matter of a few minutes, I'd love to thank you for being such a great friend. I'm extremely fond of you, and although I'm very confusing at times, you're my big brother and you're awesome! Blah blah blah I'll always be here for you, and you have me to lean on. I'm going to sleep now :D, goodnight 7U7ZZZZZZZZZZZ.

Oh and it's 7u7z*.


LOL I'm kidding, I'm not done with complaining about you.

7amad you need to listen to me more often! You're such a big brother. You know how brother always tend to go against everything their little sisters say? That's you! I tell you something and you just don't do it! Hehe. AND CUT YOUR DAMN HAIR MAN!

7aram I feel bad that I'm ranting about you. 5alas 5alas you're amazing. You're just like Shaikha; you're easy to talk to. Although in reality I get shy really quickly and I can't talk about ANY awkward topics, I honestly don't mind telling 7amad anything. I've gotten use to them, they're like the people that I now don't know how to not talk to for a day! You know, those people that you get attached to? It's funny, the three of us have made plans for the next 5 years! Yes, you guys better visit me in 3 years! I love hearing you complain about how Shaikha shops too much, and she complains about how you take away her candy or her food or you sit on top of her or trap her! It's hilarious and you guys are the cutest. I'm glad that someone I love as much as I love Shaikha will always be taken care of by you. You're a really great guy, and you guys are like the perfect match! Anyways though, thanks again 7amoodzzz for being incredible and a beyond remarkable friend. I know you're smiling by the way, and I better be getting a compliment after this. 

Fear - Chapter 17

But then.. Somebody walked in and stood a few centimeters away from me while crossing his arms around his perfectly shaped chest with a very worried expression on his face. That is when I knew, I knew I wasn't alone.. I knew I could get through this. 

--

I stared at Abdulaziz while a slight smile began to form on my lips. But my mind began to drift off as I saw the figure behind him approach us; walking slowly and stopping right next to Abdulaziz. I studied Nasser's face features, eyeing his v-chin and admiring his curvy smile, then I was lost.. I was lost in those grey eyes that I always loved. 

Suddenly, I was beginning to remember the first day that Nasser confessed his feelings to me. I smiled as the memory came flying back. We were on their roof, I had originally come to see Abdulaziz but I ended up leaving him and sitting with Nasser to talk.. I remembered how close we were back then, and when he held my hand while we sat under the stars. I loved the moment back then, but as I fell back in the memories I realized just how cliche it really all was. 

But then it hit me, I had "left" Abdulaziz for Nasser. 

Does Abdulaziz deserve this? After all he never left my side. But Nasser did. Nasser left because he said I was too much of a drama queen.. He left because he couldn't "commit" a relationship. Is that a real man? Of course not I thought to myself. 

I brought myself back to reality and moved my eyes back at Abdulaziz's. They were almost identical to Nasser's but they had a hint of green color in them. God, I love him. And just as those words appeared in my mind, I knew it. I knew I did. I knew I always did. And before I knew it, I was walking up to Abdulaziz and laying myself in his arms. I hugged him like it's been years. I hugged him the longest and tightest hug I've ever given anyone. But the important part was that I was in his arms. I was finally in his arms and I loved it. I loved his warm embrace and his strong muscular arms wrapped around me. 

When I finally let go, I stepped back and gave Abdulaziz a reassuring smile and then asked Nasser to take a walk with me. 

As I walked away being lead by Nasser, I slipped my hand to touch Abdulaziz's, just reassuring him one more time. I didn't know if he understood what I was trying to show, but I sure as hell was going to let him know. I was going to let him know he's the one. 

Fear - Chapter 16

To begin with, I'm sorry to the people who dm-ed and were disappointed because they wanted more of Lama & Abdullah. I decided to cut them short for a while because I had a few readers that were upset with the direction the story headed towards and of course, I don't want to offend anyone or make them feel uncomfortable with my writing. I doubt I'll be bringing any type of intimacy other than a kiss on the cheek or things of that sort into the story again due to the society we're all in. I'm sorry to anyone who's disappointed with the story, I'm trying my best but I'm having lots of personal things to deal with as well.

The only reason I'm continuing Fear is to satisfy everyone who's supported me, and to satisfy the people who have now became some of my best friends through this blog! 

Moving on though, here is chapter 16!

--

Is she dead? 

A never ending cycle of madness; insanity at it's finest.  

--

Well.. Any chance of going to jail is gone because she's alive. I want to call her a monster, but aren't I the monster? Aren't I the 15 year old who tried to kill her own mother? Aren't I the one who's being stepped away from? The one that they're all afraid of?

I sat in the hospital seats... Alone. Alone... While they all visited her, and made her feel loved. A tear prickled down my face as I recalled yesterday, the way that their eyes shot me looks of fear. 

Fear of the girl they never thought me to be.

Fear of the girl that I've become.

Fear of my capability to hurt others.

But was I to be afraid of?

My flashbacks were brought back to reality as my index finger moved swiftly when I tilted my hot chocolate that was still steaming only after 5 minutes of buying it. The brown chocolate covered milk slipped a few drops on my middle finger and I quickly placed the cup on the table that was in front of me and began to suck on my finger; thinking this will release the burning sensation it caused me. 

In the midst of my finger cooling down, I felt a liquid travel on my upper lips; slowing down as it reached the opening to my mouth. Just then, I also felt a drop fall from my chin. It was then that I realized how heavily I was crying while thinking about the day before, the liquid now traveling down my mouth was from my nose, the liquid falling from my chin was my tears.

What have I done? 

The flashbacks came back to haunt me as I remembered begging and pleading for my father to help me. I wrapped my arms around his long legs and he shooed me off! As if I was a cat, he shooed me off with aggression. 

**
Baba: Get off of me Lama! I'm trying to see if you killed your mother! 

He kicked me off his foot as he bent down to check my mothers pulse. 

Minutes later sirens began to ring and they got closer until they pushed the door open and rushed in, carrying my mother on the bed and running outside to save her. 
**

The questions. All the questions. I keep asking myself questions.. The police ask me questions.. They ask me weird things, they ask me questions I have no answers to! 

Do I have a mental disorder?

What caused me to resort to such techniques of unleashing my anger?

Has my mother ever physically hurt me?

How could I answer questions like these in my current mental state?

I was alone.. Well I thought I was alone. 

** 
My tears failed me again, and the bags under my eyes made the ride bumpy for my tears as they rolled down my eyelids then my cheeks. 

My father came walking past and sat on the couch next to mine, he covered with forehead with his  long fingers and wide palm.

La Ilaha Ela Allah wa Muhammad Rasool Allah
Istaghfurallah Al 3atheem
A3ootho Billahi Mn Al Shay6an Al Rajeem

He kept repeating these words, not paying any attention to his broken daughter sitting at his right, only a matter of centimeters away from him. 

I moved my body closer to his, and wrapped my arms around him. My tiny body fit perfectly next to his, but my father.. My own father got up shouting the words:

DON'T TOUCH ME. YOU'RE NOT MY DAUGHTER. 

I was taken aback by his words, my tears stopped falling for a few seconds as I comprehended the situation then they threatened to fall back again and I had no energy to will them gone so I let them fall again after they burnt my eyes for a few more seconds. 

**

What could I do more than cry I thought? 

But then.. Somebody walked in and stood a few centimeters away from me while crossing his arms around his perfectly shaped chest with a very worried expression on his face. That is when I knew, I knew I wasn't alone.. I knew I could get through this. 

--

Hope you liked this! It was extra long! 

Who do you think was there for her in the end ? Who'll be her savior ?

COMMENT/DM/MENTION ME YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEEDBACK! 

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