Fear - Chapter 12

We all know a teenager's life may sound pathetic and stupid, but a teenage girl is VERY hormonal.. Now what would a 15 year old girl do when she's in love with two brothers, one of which is her best friend, and she gets kicked out of her house by her mom.. All in the same day? 

-

What do girls do when they're sad?

Some girls shop, some girls cut themselves, some girls cry, some girls complain on twitter, some girls call their boyfriends, Lama? Finds a very fun way to make it better.. 

Lama called her driver, and gave him the bags that were at the door and ordered him to bring it to  the Sheraton (It's a hotel if anyone doesn't know it). She went along with him and made a reservation for a few days until she could talk to her dad about what's happened. She used her credit card to get the best room they had, and went up to change afterwards. She wore very revealing clothes; she wore a short red dress that hugged her curves beautifully with only one strap  on it that was covered with flowers. She matched this with black heels that were to die for. 

Next stop, a club! She made her way to the W Hotel where there was a very known club, not forgetting her fake ID which didn't need a fake picture because most people would tell her she looked 16 anyways so she just needed to use an ID that said she was 16 instead of 15. 

When she got there, the man at the door was going to not let her in, until she slid her body close to his and gave him her famous puppy dog face. His hands dropped by his sides then began to open the door for him, hypnotized by her beauty. 

When she entered the room, a few heads turned and were dazzled by her beauty yet sexiness. She walked to the bar clicking her heels delicately making an impression on everybody that was looking. As she was walking, the song Give Me Everything Tonight played. She reached the bar and stood next to a man that she couldn't see so closely because of the dim lights. She could only see that he had a nicely lined up body because it caught her eyes as she walked towards the bar. She tried not to stare and ordered the bartender to give her a shot of vodka. 

She wasn't planning on getting drunk, but she wanted to get a little lose and forget her life for a night. When the bartender gave her the drink, the man next to her pulled out a 500QR note before she could place the money and told the bartender it was on him. He grabbed the shot that was already placed in front of him and turned to face her, his arm slightly in front of him ready to crash their cups into together to make a toast but when they caught each other's eyes everything around them stopped. They were both very very very surprised causing the sly smirk that was plastered on his heavenly face and the dizzy alcohol effect to both be swiped off his face. 

Suggestion

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He's got an amazing story and he's coming close to an end, ya3ni close to a book! ;)

He needs all the support he can get :D! Get following guys!! :D 

Fear - Chapter 11

He leaned closer and closer and closer, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand..

For the second time today.

...: WTF ARE YOU DOING? 

I looked up extremely fast to find Abdulaziz at the door, looking shocked. I grew confused though, was it because we're on his bed? I let myself fall back onto his bed, and ran my hands through my hair. Nasser who was still next to me stood up and left the room, elbowing his brother before he left. 

I looked up again to Abdulaziz and he seemed.. angry and upset. I didn't know why though, being completely honest. Adding on, I was not bothered to ask and have a sob story right now. 

--

2 minutes of staring at each other, and guilt hit me cause he seemed like he wanted/needed to talk. 

Lama: Abdulaziz shu malak ?

Abdulaziz: Ana? La wala shi, salamtk

Lama: Aziiiiizzzzzzzz, come on don't be like that

Abdulaziz: Be like what? It's fine, it's completely normal to almost kiss two brothers in a matter of an hour right? It's fine, wallah i'm fine 

He winked at me and turned to leave from the room, but before he did he looked down and muttered: 

Abdulaziz: I thought you were in love with me.. 

He continued and left the room, closing the door behind him. I sat in my place thinking, did I love Abdulaziz? Why did I not stop the kiss? I was leaning in to kiss him too right? Wait wait.. My brain stopped me when I remembered Nasser.. I sat there for what seemed like hours, contemplating the options and the pros and cons between the brothers and when I came to conclusion, boy did I wish I hadn't met either of them!

I was stuck between two guys; two brothers. 

I quickly got up and left as quickly as I could, I walked home, not bothering to call the driver and wait for him. 

Now now we all know that when we ask ourselves if it could get any worse, we don't mean it! And when I asked myself if it could get any worse.. It did in fact. I found myself at my doorstep with 4 big bags on the stairs with a note on top saying:

مافي مكان بهذا البيت لك بعد أن زرتي والدك 

*Sorry for it not all being spelled right, it's not fu97a, it's just Palestinian but written in Arabic to show that her mom wrote it. 

Underneath these words was a smirk face and a dash with the letters D & L. 

So.. My mom kicked me out? 

We all know a teenager's life may sound pathetic and stupid, but a teenage girl is VERY hormonal.. Now what would a 15 year old girl do when she's in love with two brothers, one of which is her best friend, and she gets kicked out of her house by her mom.. All in the same day? 

Fear - Chapter 10 - Part B

...: WTF ARE YOU DOING?

I heard a furious voice in the background. 

Abdulaziz flew off of me really quickly to find none other than his very very VERY angry brother at the door. 

Nasser: ANSWER ME. 

Abdulaziz looked down, unable to answer, so I stood up.. I didn't see a reason to all this fuss he was making! And secretly, I didn't want that moment to end! 

Lama: Why is it any of your business?

Abdulaziz shot his head up and gave me a look telling me to shut up. I moved my head to look at Nasser, who was now fuming.

Nasser: MY BUSINESS? HOW IS IT NOT MY BUSINESS LAMA? DID YOU FORGET WHO I AM? 

His face turned a very dark red, and I had a feeling this wasn't going anywhere good but when my anger got the best of me? it got the best of me! There was no going back. 

Lama: YES I FORGOT.. MAYBE CAUSE YOU LEFT. 3 F*CKING YEARS. YOU LEFT. WITHOUT ANY TYPE OF GOODBYE.. 

I lowered my head, my anger had brought back an emotional side to this whole situation and memory.. A tear was forming in my eye but I just continued with 2 words.

Lama: You.. left. 

I ran upstairs, avoiding their eyes staring at me. When I got to abdulaziz's room, all I did was grab one of his large t-shirts and get into his bed curling up into a ball. My tears escaped my eyes.. And just like any girl, my whole life flashed before my eyes while I cried.. I thought about Nasser, what we had. 

Should I have waited for him?

No. He left. For a whole year I didn't do anything. He just left! He left just a few days after my father left, and he KNEW how affected I was by my parents divorce, yet.. he left.

So no, I kept telling myself.. I should not have waited for him.

My thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door.

Lama: GO AWAY

The door opened anyway, and there Nasser was standing.. He looked at me for a few seconds, then closed the door while still staring at me, and walked my way.

--

He laid down on the bed next to me, and tucked himself in as well. We stared into each others eyes for a while, trying to read each others minds. Then he moved his thumb up and wiped my tears away.. 

Nasser: I'm sorry.

He stopped.. then:

Nasser: I'm so so so sorry Lama.. I'm an assh*le, I know.. I'm so sorry. 

I couldn't. Was it even normal that this guy hurt me uncontrollably yet I couldn't let him say these things about myself? and that <--- is exactly what I told him.

Lama: Don't say that about yourself.. Despite the fact that I was barely 13 years old. Despite the fact that I loved you, and god knows how much is still in me for you.. Despite the fact that you've hit me before. Despite the fact that you left.. Don't say that about yourself. At the end of the day, you know that I could never really hate you. I guess you were just a confused 15 year old back then...

I smiled a tight smile trying to hold back my tears.. Why was I being nice to this guy? UGH I thought to myself, obviously.. I was too nice and naive. 

But what made me think twice about my thoughts was Nasser's wide smile. It made me smile a bigger smile, and I was genuinely happy for making him smile. 

But do good things ever last?

Obviously, my question was answered when I felt Nasser's hand running my waist, pushing me closer to him.. And being the stupid girl that I was, did I stop him?






Nope.

He leaned closer and closer and closer, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand..

For the second time today.

...: WTF ARE YOU DOING? 

Fear - Chapter 10 - Part A :D

Next off, I was thrown on the largest sofa they had but I didn't let go. I held on to his neck, causing him to fall with me. It was a mistake though, because he ended up on top me, both of us laughing and our breaths quick and short.

His face began getting closer and closer. I didn't push away. I have no idea why, but I didn't. I closed my eyes as his lips began to get closer to mine. 

...: WTF ARE YOU DOING?

I heard a furious voice in the background. 

--

Just to give you all something to think about hehe :D 

Will be posting Part B tonight ;) Inshallah it will be long!

HAVE AN AWESOME VACATION GUYS!!

Fear - Chapter 9

I was surprised.. to say the least.

As soon as I entered the house, Nasser was walking out of the kitchen, head buried in his chest while he quickly typed a message on his Samsung S3.

I was mind-blown to say the least.. It's been what? 3 years?

I stared a little, him not noticing me, until I felt a strong bump against my nose and a second later a crash on the ground.

I screamed a little "OW" and then looked at, my eyes are a little teary to see Nasser staring at me in shock.

Nasser: Uhh umm I'm, I'm so sorry!! Are you ok?

He spoke with a perfect American accent, his voice manlier than it was the last I heard of it.

I don't think he realized it was me.. Aaaaand I spoke too soon. Less than a minute later, his face turned a very light shade of red that was barely noticeable and he was Nasser again.

Nasser: Um. Ahlain Lama

He smiled a tight smile.

Nasser: Ana 6ale3, mnshook 3la 5air Inshallah.

Just like that, he was out of the door.

I stood there for a few minutes dumbfounded reminiscing the past. I was remembering Nasser and everything from the past..

I came back to reality after about 3-5 minutes, and just reluctantly made my way upstairs to Abdulaziz's room.

I went in there and threw myself on the sofa.

Abdulaziz: You saw him, didn't you?

I shot my head up and answered quickly.

Lama: When did he come back?

I stopped then started again.

Lama: Did you tell me to come here just to see him?

I stopped and then started again.

Lama: 5alas whatever, araw7 ya3ni?

I stopped. I was about to get ready again but instead I felt Abdulaziz's hands on my mouth stopping me from talking.

Abdulaziz: Oskoti ya5i, ma bt3rfi shi!

He took his hand off of my mouth and then carried me downstairs to the kitchen and put me on a stool.

I stayed silent until he came back from the living room with a bag of Burger King in his hands. Immediately, Nasser was out of my mind and the whopper that was about to arise the bag was so much more important!

Abdulaziz and I ate our burgers in silence until..

Abdulaziz: Hala2 ibtskti ha?

He smiled a smile like "I just owned you"!

I looked down at the pickle that was thrown at the wrapper, picked it up, stood up and pressed it against his forehead, twisting it.

Abdulaziz's face expression changed, the next thing I knew I was off the ground, and being rushed to the living room. 

I was screaming like a maniac and banging on his back to put me down, but Abdulaziz would never back down, of course; his ego too big.

Next off, I was thrown on the largest sofa they had but I didn't let go. I held on to his neck, causing him to fall with me. It was a mistake though, because he ended up on top me, both of us laughing and our breaths quick and short.

Looks & Judgements

I'm sorry if you're all expecting a post of Fear. Being completely honest, I don't know what the next chapter should be like, so as soon as I have something interesting, I'll be sure to write the next chapter. Inshallah I will have it written by Friday. Sorry for taking long guys, but as every other blogger also says, I have school, and I have my social life, and really? I need my personal timing! I'm the type of person who needs to take time out of my everyday to analyze my actions and think of things in different perspectives, and even think about improving myself.

Anyways though, I'm a teenager and obviously, what crosses my mind everyday are the people around and the person that I am. Therefore, today I'm just writing out some thoughts about the society we live in.

How many of you think that looks play a very big role to how you're judged? You know, being judged doesn't mean that it's always a negative judgement. I think that if you're pretty or handsome, people seem to judge you positively, they think that you're a cool person who they'd want to befriend. But if people look at a girl who's chubby, or a guy with pimples lets say, automatically they just assume they are losers.

Has anyone every wondered why these judgements exist? There stereo-types?

I'll tell you why, and this really does cross my mind everyday so what I'm saying is something I truly believe and try to understand everyday.

We all watch movies, and series, and read books right? Right.

I think that the media, and the movies/series and so forth really affect our way of thinking, and the perspective we have on others.

I mean, come on. What movie doesn't portray the hot guy and the beautiful girl with the perfect body as the two lovers who end up getting married? Girls, that's why you find yourselves clinging on to guys who are good-looking, it's because you have it imprinted inside of you to think that this guy could turn out to be your fairy tale man. But really, have you taken the time to think about his personality? I'm not trying to say that looks don't matter, because it's stupid to say that I'm not going to look at someone before I think about falling for them or dating them (which I don't do) but you know what I mean, that's just human nature. But I'll tell you this, I won't look at a guy and think that just because he's ugly, I'm not going to consider him. I've actually met and fallen for guys who are completely the opposite of what the society portrays the perfect men to be like, but they are the perfect man on the inside! Getting to know someone's personality is essential, you may think someone isn't attractive, but I swear the personality can really change someone's level of attractiveness. Adding on, I've met some really HOT guys who are jerks, they are complete and utter jerks and they're selfish and only self-loving.

Adding on, I don't only mean to talk about falling for people for looks. But also looking at a girl and seeing that she's over-weight doesn't mean that she's automatically not a fun person to be around! I myself am fat. Trust me when I say, I'm EXTREMELY energetic next to LOTS of girls I know that are really skinny. You honestly never know why someone is over-weight, or have rough skin, or dress in a style that YOU don't like. I've met people and thought about their faces being burned or something and thought that made them ugly, but when I met them I'd find out they were in a car accident where one of their siblings died. <--- That was a personal encounter. Can you imagine that?

To be honest, I've been judgmental before, I'm not the perfect person, and I do judge sometimes, but when I realize what I'm doing, I restrain from it and I go and do whatever I can to go against it. I hate that I judge people sometimes, but I try stopping it. I don't think anyone can live life without judging, but I think that people could try and stop themselves, just try to go meet the people you're judging just to show YOURSELF how silly you're being.

Again, I'm sorry for putting all your hopes high into thinking this is a post but I just felt the need to put this out there!

Take care guys! :D

Fear - Chapter 8

I rang the doorbell at my fathers house then waited a minute or two until the housemaid came and opened the door for me. She was very cheerful and was dressed in a pink suit.

Lama: Hi, can I speak to Mr. Al X please?

Housemaid: Yes yes come in please

She led me to their guest room as I walked slowly behind her, scanning the pictures and walls and furniture. The guest room was beautiful, the couches were golden with ancient looking off-white designs.

My father came downstairs a few minutes later with his pants pulled high and blue t-shirt, he was off to work soon I guess. He looked thinner than before, I guess he doesn't take care of himself to treat his diabetes.. My heart skipped a beat, I missed him.

He never mis-treated me once, he was always such a great father.

When he saw me, he immediately hurried to me and gave me a hug.

Dad: 7abeebty shu 3am ti3mili hon? Is everything ok?

His eyes were worried, and my heart ached knowing that he thinks I'd only come see him in an emergence situation. I regretted in that moment never coming to visit my father, but it's not my fault that my mom hated him.

She threatened to kick me out of the house a few times. Plus I'd hear her plan with my sisters everyday about new ways she could take more money from him!

I opened my mouth to answer him, but I heard some click clacking on the stairs to find my father's wife Hana walk downstairs looking very casual. She was wearing capris and a t-shirt with slippers with an apron on top.

She looked quite surprised when she saw me, but she came downstairs anyways and greeted me.

Hana: Ahlain 7abeebty!! Zaman 3annek, keefik?

She walked to me and kissed both my cheeks while shaking my hand.

Before I got a chance to speak, yet again.

Hana: o3odi 7abeebty, irta7i!! Ahla w sahla!!

Her smile was very wide looking very natural and genuinely real.

I sat down and then began.

Lama: Thanks for letting me in and welcoming me so joyfully.. 3anjad I didn't expect this, 7assait if I come here after so long of not contacting my father, I just thought you'd be too disappointed in me to see me.

My father was about to cut but I kept going.

Lama: Baba ana.. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry, inta lsa abooy w ba7ibak.. W if you'd let me, I'd love to make place for myself in your life again.. We can start low if you want.

A frown was on my place but I kept trying to smile, to not cry. I didn't even know why I wanted to cry! I just didn't know! I was confused to say the least.

My dad got up and came next to me and hugged me.

Dad: 7abeebty I'd LOVE to have you back in my life.. I've missed you so much.. You really have no idea.. 7ata we can arrange that you come sleep over on the weekends if that makes you happier and more comfortable! W mafee low relationship or whatever, you're my daughter w i love you w bas!

He smiled. It was so natural. It felt amazing to know that someone loved me this much and wouldn't let me go. It really really did.. I really did need a parent like this.. Maybe this will help me be satisfied with myself and my life.

I spent a few hours catching up with my father and his wife Hana, we talked and laughed and they were awesome!

But.. There's always a but!

I felt like they were hiding something from me.

I tried to sweep it off and just go with the flow though..

After I left their house, I was off and back to my house to return the car. I got home, went straight upstairs through the back door so I wouldn't have to confront my mother or sister. I grabbed some pj's (shorts and a tank top) and went back down stairs to tell the driver to drop me off at "Muneeras" house since I knew he would tell my mom that he dropped me off at Aziz's and she would know I sleep over there sometimes..

On the way, I texted my mom and told her that I'll be spending the night at Muneera's.

When I got there, my heart skipped a beat and I smiled automatically. I loved spending time with aziz.

As soon as I entered though, I was surprised... to say the least.