Fear - Chapter 19

I didn't know where I was going except for Abdulaziz driving somewhere while I sat there silently, unable to utter a word. 

--

I was laid in a bed, next to a sleeping Abdulaziz while asking God if he could just open the ground beneath this bed, and swallow me in whole. 

After silently weeping, I tried to pull myself together and closed my eyes, attempting to sleep while snuggling into the heavy and cozy blanket. I wrapped my arm around Abdulaziz and felt safe within the heat that left his body. 

I woke up again at Abdulaziz softly nudging me. I slightly opened my eyes and just smiled at waking up to his face. He rubbed my shoulder and told me that breakfast was ready after saying "Good morning beautiful". I rose from the red and headed towards the toilet, I did my business and off I went downstairs after quickly grabbing my phone off the night table. 

As I walked downstairs, my phone began to vibrate in my hands. I turned it around to find that my father was calling me, I sighed and then answered while my hand trembled. 

Lama: A-Alo?

Baba: 2 hours and your plane leaves to a boarding school Bahrain. Your ticket will be in the airport with your driver who's got all your bags. 

Just like that.. He hung up! 

--

I went downstairs, grabbed a bananna and then made my way to the front door. I was really mad, and I just completely wasn't thinking about Abdulaziz. Although I cursed myself under my breath when I heard the bathroom door close to the kitchen open, and I heard Abdulaziz calling after me.

I slowly turned around on my ankle, and looked at him while trying to pull a tight smile. Although as soon as we spent about 30 seconds looking at each other, while he tried to analyze me confusingly. All I knew how to do was run up to him and hug him, I couldn't bare the thought of knowing that I wouldn't see him for a very long. After he embraced me tightly, he finally asked me what's wrong. 

Lama: Aziz ana.. my dad just called.. and umm.. my plane is in 2 hours.. 

I stopped.

Lama: can you drive me to the airport? I wanna spend as much time as possible with you.. 

Abdulaziz held my wrists really tightly, I saw his face turn red.

Abdulaziz: La you're not leaving.. I don't care, you can stay here. 

I tried to smile, thinking about how amazing he is but I couldn't.. I couldn't stay here. I had to take the consequences for what I've done. 

Fear - Chapter 18

As I walked away being lead by Nasser, I slipped my hand to touch Abdulaziz's, just reassuring him one more time. I didn't know if he understood what I was trying to show, but I sure as hell was going to let him know. I was going to let him know he's the one. 

--

I began to take a few fast steps ahead of Nasser, it was my way of figuring out what to say. I looked back to see him just standing in his place and staring at me while digging his fingers into his dark jeans pockets. I caught a glimpse of Abdulaziz behind him; his eyes filled with sorrow and misunderstanding.

It was then that my nerves stopped holding me short of what I had to say. I just let it out because of that man standing right behind Nasser... That man that was Abdulaziz.

Lama: Nasser ana asfa lakn I don't want to be with you. I forgive you because I'm a forgiving person, but I'm in love with your brother. 

Just as I said those words, his eyes filled with rage. He turned around and looked at his brother with eyes full of hate and despair. I could almost imagine the red horns sticking out of his head, and the steam storm out of his ears. But no, what I really saw was his face turn into a very dark shade of red, along with the strains in the eyes that also turned dark red, and I saw the sweat drops making their way down his forehead. 

For a minute, I thought he'd go and attack his brother, but no. He left me with some confusing words and he stormed out of the hospital. But his words.. They kept running through my head, and I knew they scared me because I felt tingles rush at the tip of my fingers, and I felt that slight burn fly through my heart.

I looked back and there was no sign whatsoever of Nasser, he was gone.

But his words weren't. 

"This isn't over." 

The words kept repeating in my head as I twisted my heels around to look at a confused Abdulaziz with one hand in his light jeans, and another running through his hair while huffing; obviously irritated and tired. 

I walked up to him very slowly, and stood in front of me trying to collect my words. 

It was then that I saw my father a few steps away from turning a corner into the sitting room I was sitting in. I panicked at the sight of my father, he'd misunderstand this! 

I tried to scurry away while pushing Abdulaziz out of sight by pushing him down another corridor. He stood there confused until he also took a glimpse to find my father and then he stood still; casually looking the other way.

My father made his way up to me, his eyes still filled with disgust as everything dawn upon me once again. Oh yes, I was the disappointment of a daughter I thought as he opened his mouth to speak.

My Father: Your mother woke up. We'll be taking her back to her house to rest and your sisters will take care of her. My wife and I will be heading back home to rest, as for you.. Find your own way back to some type of shelter because neither of us will house a monster and I'll be in contact with you in a few days about where I plan to send you. 

I didn't really concentrate on his last few words as the word "monster" kept repeating over and over again in my head. The next thing I knew, my waist was being twisted to my left side to find Abdulaziz looking at me with sadness in his eyes, with worry in his eyes. I quickly took a look back to see where my father was and I found him already in the room with the rest of the family. 

--

I didn't know where I was going except for Abdulaziz driving somewhere while I sat there silently, unable to utter a word. 

7amad & Shaikha

As you all probably know, with every blog comes the pleasure of meeting some special people.

I've befriended luck as I met two of the people that are now most important to me in my life. I've met 7amad & Shaikha.

I was going to write the story about them, but I think that's a story that one of them should tell later on. I'm just going to ahead and tell you about them since 7amad is nagging on me to post about him!

I'll start with Shaikha since I met her first. Oh and heads up, they're married!

Shaikha is one of the most lovable human beings I have ever met! I began my friendship with this young lady with great welcome, and great support from her for this specific blog! Of course, people's actions always somehow tell a little about them and the first thing I noticed about her was her kindness. Being completely honest, I usually love a good old chase and I get bored of people quickly and although I thought it'd be easy to get Shaikha and I'd get bored; I've come to realize that she is one person that my body refuses to get bored of no matter how long we talk. I've never felt so comfortable around someone in my whole entire life, but I have no limits when I speak to this girl. She is someone I speak to from early morning until late night. She knows everything about me even though i've only known her for 3 months! She's the most caring girl I've ever met. Have you ever met someone who put up with constant ranting from you? Probably not, but I have! If someone just bumps into me in a hallway, I get mad and rant to her yet she's supporting and loving and caring no matter what. Is it crazy to say that in a period of 3 months, I have made more memories with this girl than I can remember with my own siblings at home? I love how we can talk about anything, and make fun of losers who annoy us and it's just easy to talk. She's the type of person that I don't need to think twice about telling something to; I just do it cause she's like my second half! I just automatically assume that she'll know what I mean. I know she'll be reading this because I'm going to force her to then complain to her about how 7amad annoyed me until I wrote this post about him but tell her I love her so I added her in too. Anyways though, while you read this Shaikha, I'd love for you to know for the millionth time that you're a beautiful young lady, who's the most special girl on this whole wide planet; possibly in the whole universe (You know I believe in aliens Hahaha). I want you to always smile cause frankly you don't look as good when you frown; it's the most horrible thing you can do. I also want you to know that I'll always be here for you, and that I enjoy the fact that I've come to use your childish but so affective insults. Hahah. I love you shu5z.

7amad, ARE YOU HAPPY NOW? 7amad ladies and gentlemen, is the most annoying creature in this whole world and he's not me or Shaikha's friend.





























I'm kidding.
He's a gentlemen. A man. And frankly in 3arabness, a RJAL. Although he fails to compliment me on my awesomeness, I know that deep down he knows just how awesome I am. I had thought it was almost impossible to get so close to anyone except for Shaikha until she introduced me to her husband, who I am now happy to call my brother. 7amad is one of those guys that is overly protective to an extent that makes you want to hit him, yet I can't because well.. He's a lot bigger than me and Shaikha put together! Anyways though, what's important is that 7amad has been nothing but a great friend. He doesn't really say how much he cares, but he shows you how much he does. Haven't you all heard about how actions speak louder than words? Well 7amad applies this very well. I'm so glad to have met him, and I take complete honor in being able to withhold such a friendship.

7amad this is so cheesy and I'm going to kill you for making me write this!

Okay so basically, I'm one of the tallest people in my grade at school and I'm considered taller than average but 7amad over here refuses to acknowledge this, so he calls me a nitfa all the time. Ok anyways it's midnight and I'm too tired to write more for you 7amad. But since you'll be reading this in a matter of a few minutes, I'd love to thank you for being such a great friend. I'm extremely fond of you, and although I'm very confusing at times, you're my big brother and you're awesome! Blah blah blah I'll always be here for you, and you have me to lean on. I'm going to sleep now :D, goodnight 7U7ZZZZZZZZZZZ.

Oh and it's 7u7z*.


LOL I'm kidding, I'm not done with complaining about you.

7amad you need to listen to me more often! You're such a big brother. You know how brother always tend to go against everything their little sisters say? That's you! I tell you something and you just don't do it! Hehe. AND CUT YOUR DAMN HAIR MAN!

7aram I feel bad that I'm ranting about you. 5alas 5alas you're amazing. You're just like Shaikha; you're easy to talk to. Although in reality I get shy really quickly and I can't talk about ANY awkward topics, I honestly don't mind telling 7amad anything. I've gotten use to them, they're like the people that I now don't know how to not talk to for a day! You know, those people that you get attached to? It's funny, the three of us have made plans for the next 5 years! Yes, you guys better visit me in 3 years! I love hearing you complain about how Shaikha shops too much, and she complains about how you take away her candy or her food or you sit on top of her or trap her! It's hilarious and you guys are the cutest. I'm glad that someone I love as much as I love Shaikha will always be taken care of by you. You're a really great guy, and you guys are like the perfect match! Anyways though, thanks again 7amoodzzz for being incredible and a beyond remarkable friend. I know you're smiling by the way, and I better be getting a compliment after this. 

Fear - Chapter 17

But then.. Somebody walked in and stood a few centimeters away from me while crossing his arms around his perfectly shaped chest with a very worried expression on his face. That is when I knew, I knew I wasn't alone.. I knew I could get through this. 

--

I stared at Abdulaziz while a slight smile began to form on my lips. But my mind began to drift off as I saw the figure behind him approach us; walking slowly and stopping right next to Abdulaziz. I studied Nasser's face features, eyeing his v-chin and admiring his curvy smile, then I was lost.. I was lost in those grey eyes that I always loved. 

Suddenly, I was beginning to remember the first day that Nasser confessed his feelings to me. I smiled as the memory came flying back. We were on their roof, I had originally come to see Abdulaziz but I ended up leaving him and sitting with Nasser to talk.. I remembered how close we were back then, and when he held my hand while we sat under the stars. I loved the moment back then, but as I fell back in the memories I realized just how cliche it really all was. 

But then it hit me, I had "left" Abdulaziz for Nasser. 

Does Abdulaziz deserve this? After all he never left my side. But Nasser did. Nasser left because he said I was too much of a drama queen.. He left because he couldn't "commit" a relationship. Is that a real man? Of course not I thought to myself. 

I brought myself back to reality and moved my eyes back at Abdulaziz's. They were almost identical to Nasser's but they had a hint of green color in them. God, I love him. And just as those words appeared in my mind, I knew it. I knew I did. I knew I always did. And before I knew it, I was walking up to Abdulaziz and laying myself in his arms. I hugged him like it's been years. I hugged him the longest and tightest hug I've ever given anyone. But the important part was that I was in his arms. I was finally in his arms and I loved it. I loved his warm embrace and his strong muscular arms wrapped around me. 

When I finally let go, I stepped back and gave Abdulaziz a reassuring smile and then asked Nasser to take a walk with me. 

As I walked away being lead by Nasser, I slipped my hand to touch Abdulaziz's, just reassuring him one more time. I didn't know if he understood what I was trying to show, but I sure as hell was going to let him know. I was going to let him know he's the one. 

Fear - Chapter 16

To begin with, I'm sorry to the people who dm-ed and were disappointed because they wanted more of Lama & Abdullah. I decided to cut them short for a while because I had a few readers that were upset with the direction the story headed towards and of course, I don't want to offend anyone or make them feel uncomfortable with my writing. I doubt I'll be bringing any type of intimacy other than a kiss on the cheek or things of that sort into the story again due to the society we're all in. I'm sorry to anyone who's disappointed with the story, I'm trying my best but I'm having lots of personal things to deal with as well.

The only reason I'm continuing Fear is to satisfy everyone who's supported me, and to satisfy the people who have now became some of my best friends through this blog! 

Moving on though, here is chapter 16!

--

Is she dead? 

A never ending cycle of madness; insanity at it's finest.  

--

Well.. Any chance of going to jail is gone because she's alive. I want to call her a monster, but aren't I the monster? Aren't I the 15 year old who tried to kill her own mother? Aren't I the one who's being stepped away from? The one that they're all afraid of?

I sat in the hospital seats... Alone. Alone... While they all visited her, and made her feel loved. A tear prickled down my face as I recalled yesterday, the way that their eyes shot me looks of fear. 

Fear of the girl they never thought me to be.

Fear of the girl that I've become.

Fear of my capability to hurt others.

But was I to be afraid of?

My flashbacks were brought back to reality as my index finger moved swiftly when I tilted my hot chocolate that was still steaming only after 5 minutes of buying it. The brown chocolate covered milk slipped a few drops on my middle finger and I quickly placed the cup on the table that was in front of me and began to suck on my finger; thinking this will release the burning sensation it caused me. 

In the midst of my finger cooling down, I felt a liquid travel on my upper lips; slowing down as it reached the opening to my mouth. Just then, I also felt a drop fall from my chin. It was then that I realized how heavily I was crying while thinking about the day before, the liquid now traveling down my mouth was from my nose, the liquid falling from my chin was my tears.

What have I done? 

The flashbacks came back to haunt me as I remembered begging and pleading for my father to help me. I wrapped my arms around his long legs and he shooed me off! As if I was a cat, he shooed me off with aggression. 

**
Baba: Get off of me Lama! I'm trying to see if you killed your mother! 

He kicked me off his foot as he bent down to check my mothers pulse. 

Minutes later sirens began to ring and they got closer until they pushed the door open and rushed in, carrying my mother on the bed and running outside to save her. 
**

The questions. All the questions. I keep asking myself questions.. The police ask me questions.. They ask me weird things, they ask me questions I have no answers to! 

Do I have a mental disorder?

What caused me to resort to such techniques of unleashing my anger?

Has my mother ever physically hurt me?

How could I answer questions like these in my current mental state?

I was alone.. Well I thought I was alone. 

** 
My tears failed me again, and the bags under my eyes made the ride bumpy for my tears as they rolled down my eyelids then my cheeks. 

My father came walking past and sat on the couch next to mine, he covered with forehead with his  long fingers and wide palm.

La Ilaha Ela Allah wa Muhammad Rasool Allah
Istaghfurallah Al 3atheem
A3ootho Billahi Mn Al Shay6an Al Rajeem

He kept repeating these words, not paying any attention to his broken daughter sitting at his right, only a matter of centimeters away from him. 

I moved my body closer to his, and wrapped my arms around him. My tiny body fit perfectly next to his, but my father.. My own father got up shouting the words:

DON'T TOUCH ME. YOU'RE NOT MY DAUGHTER. 

I was taken aback by his words, my tears stopped falling for a few seconds as I comprehended the situation then they threatened to fall back again and I had no energy to will them gone so I let them fall again after they burnt my eyes for a few more seconds. 

**

What could I do more than cry I thought? 

But then.. Somebody walked in and stood a few centimeters away from me while crossing his arms around his perfectly shaped chest with a very worried expression on his face. That is when I knew, I knew I wasn't alone.. I knew I could get through this. 

--

Hope you liked this! It was extra long! 

Who do you think was there for her in the end ? Who'll be her savior ?

COMMENT/DM/MENTION ME YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEEDBACK! 

LOVE YOU GUYS! 

Fear - Chapter 15

He laughed a bit, and I started giggling again then laid back down on the bed wondering about Abdullah.. He didn't seem so bad really. 

--

I spent the morning getting to know Abdullah and then I was off to my fathers. 

When I got there, I found the key that I knew was in the bushes; wanting to get in there and surprise my father. When I got inside though, I was terrified and began to tremble when I saw my mother.. 

Yes Yes everyone.. My mother was at my father's house sitting next to his wife whom she hated very much. My eyes were practically falling out of their sockets with fear..  My mother would never meet with the two people she despised the most unless it was really bad..

And I mean really really bad.

--

As soon as I entered the room, 5 pairs of eyes all turned to look at me and so many different emotions blasted against me as I felt their stringing eyes pierce into my body like bullets. 

To begin with, it was my father whom shot me with disappointment. 

Next to him sat my sister Dalal whom grinned at me with amusement.

Diagonal to Dalal was Layan who had a mischievous and cheeky smile; sending me a look of success.

Diagonal to Layal was my father's wife shooting me a look of disapproval.. of misunderstanding and confusion. A bullet that went deep into the pit of my stomach. 

Finally, next to my father's wife was my mother, none other than my mother glaring at me with her wolf-like eyes that were full of despair and hatred. 

--

My mother snapped her face to turn and look at my father and continued as if I didn't just enter the room.

My mother: ma3 kol ely 2oltelak iyah, ana ba2ool nb3t'ha 3la a boarding school.. sm3t fee wa7da bl Bahrain.. 2areeba 3alaina lakn sawalfha hay btwa2f l2nha 7atit'3arab w ttraba hay el zbala..

Yes yes everyone, my mother just called me garbage. But what had my heart racing, and threatening to explode out of my chest was "boarding school".. 

Lama: W-what? Boarding school? LAISH?

I struggled to keep my composure; my words barely pronounced through my trembling lips. 

I looked at my father, my eyes began to water as I pleaded for him to say something! Anything! Just. Stop. Her.

Baba: Lama I'm very disappointed.. Sleeping over at boys houses? Going to clubs? I never knew you were that type of girl and I always gave you your freedom and never said a word or put a foot in your life because I trusted you'd listen to your mother and behave while me and her were separating and getting divorced. 

My father's fluent English-American accent slipped out of his mouth easily while he pierced me with his blood-shot eyes that screamed disappointment. 

Lama: Baba wallah I can explain!

My father rose from his seat and waved his hands at me, dismissing my words. 

--

Just like that, I had lost it. Every sense of sanity escaped my body as I began walking fast then progressing into running to my mothers seat. In less than 10 seconds, I was on top of my mother holding her by her neck and squeezing; strangling her with all my strength. I watched as my mothers foundation smudged all over my hands, and her cheetah patterned button-up shirt got scrambled in the midst of it all. A few seconds had seemed like a few long minutes, and I watched in slow motion; blocking out the sounds of everyone screaming.. Blocking out my fathers big and strong hands that were currently around my shoulder and waist; trying to pull me off. 

--

I was now looking down at my mother, she was unconscious. My eyes failed me and my tears prickled down my face, everybody looked at me in awe as the reality of the situation dawned upon them.. The only person who still had some common sense in this room was none other than my sister Layan who immediately picked up her shiny red touch-screen blackberry bold that lay in her lap; frantically typing in her password to make an emergency call. 

"No wonder" I thought. "She was always mother's favorite". 

As the thoughts rushed towards my head, none other than guilt payed my mind a visit as well. Was I really being jealous after what I had just done? Am I monster? Why is my father looking at me like that? Why are they all looking at me? Why isn't my mother moving? Will my hand marks scar around her neck?

 I was drowned in misery as I realized that I had just maybe murdered my mother. 

Is she dead? 

A never ending cycle of madness; insanity at it's finest.  

Fear - Chapter 14

14 is my favorite number, so I hope you all enjoy the post!

--

I woke up with a really bad headache, I tried to open my eyes but they wouldn't so I stayed lying down wherever I was for a few minutes until I heard the shower come on. My eyes opened widely really quickly, I had still not remembered the night before but as I opened my eyes a few things came back while analyzing the hotel room I was in. 

--

This was definitely a room in the W Hotel.. But this isn't MY room since I reserved in the Sheraton. I looked under the covers as it stroke me that I had come here last night with Abdullah. 











I wasn't naked. 
"El7amdella" I thought and then wondered how the baggy t-shirt and boxers got on me. My thoughts were interrupted when the bathroom door opened and Abdullah came out with only a towel on around his waist. Most people would notice his abs first, but me.. I noticed his Winnie The Pooh towel! A grown old man with a Winnie The Pooh towel.. Hmmmm I thought.. 

Abdullah: It's my little sister's. 

Abdullah said as an upset expression covered his face after noticing my shock of his towel. But of course, I would not look away without a glance at the abs, and yes yes girls.. He had a 4 pack, and personally I think that's much hotter than a 6 pack. I stared for a bit when I realized the grin that plastered on his face, I looked down at the blanket. A few seconds later I looked back up to find his scratching his beard that I found oh-so sexy. It was one of those messy beards.. Ahhhhhh! 

Lama: So umm.. What happened last night?

Abdullah: Nothing really. You were just too drunk to go home so I made you spend the night.

My face flushed, I was embarrassed and ashamed with myself. 

Abdullah: So umm.. do you always drink like that?

Lama: No! 

I answered back swiftly, making sure to emphasize that I don't do this anymore.

Lama: It was just a bad habit from the past that is long gone.. It's just yesterday I wanted to deal with things like the old days.

Abdullah: Yeah well don't deal with it like that again.. you should've seen how many guys you were grinding against last night.

I let out a little giggle, he was jealous! 

Lama: Are you jealous? 

I winked and smirked at him.

Abdullah: Why would I be jealous? At the end of the night, you came back up here and got on top of me kissing me! I had more than enough of you ;)

My face = :O 

Lama: No way! You're lying!

Thing is though, I knew he wasn't. I remembered that, I remembered him tucking himself next to me and putting his arm around me while kissing my shoulder. And this I'm ashamed to remember, but I remembered getting on top of him like he said.. Oh god.. What have I done? 

Abdullah: From the expression on your face, I know you know I'm not lying Lama.. You should say el7amdella I wasn't AS drunk as you or it wouldn't of stopped at kissing. 

I'm such a horrible person, I thought as a I let myself fall back on the bed while letting out a soft groan and huffing about it. 

Abdullah: E7mm..

I shot back up and looked at him to see a faint blush on his face.

Abdullah: I umm.. wanna change.. Can you close your eyes? 

I giggled a bit.

Lama: 3adi dont worry, I'm leaving now anymore. 

I started to get up from the bed.

Abdullah: La don't.. The least I can do is order some breakfast for us.

Lama: La wallah, la t'3alb 7alak, it's okay! A9lan I feel like an intruder haha

I got up but he pushed me back onto the bed softly.

Abdullah: La 5alas, I'm ordering breakfast, but close your eyes.

I giggled a bit more and then smiled while covering my whole face. 

Abdullah: I said your eyes, not your whole face! I wouldn't want you suffocating on my watch! 

He laughed a bit, and I started giggling again then laid back down on the bed wondering about Abdullah.. He didn't seem so bad really.